Tuesday, September 29, 2015

I wonder

I just wonder what would happen if we all decided to believe for something that looked totally impossible by human standards?

Monday, September 28, 2015


I fluctuate in my mind, in saying too much or saying too little.

In so many ways God is being silent, and in so many ways He is saying so much.

After almost 4 weeks, I have zero natural evidence of God working in Jim's life.  I am completely cut off from him & I struggle between wanting to know what's going on and then being overwhelmingly thankful that I don't know.

I can see how much God knows my personality and how much He protects my mind.

God is speaking to me daily about so many things.  He uses Scriptures, music, sermons, online teachings, His people to confirm & reconfirm my position of being in the place I am called to be.

He speaks "this is a process"  Let Me work things out in you.  Let me prepare you for what I have in store.  Let me prepare you for the future.

"If we try to bypass the process, In the (instant) generation in which we live, then the image of Christ will not be forged in us to the degree that it needs to be for us to do what God has called us to do"  --Christine Caine, Dark Moments of our Life (You Tube)

He speaks, "stay in your place"  Don't run ahead or try to figure out things on your own.  Stay where I have you.

"What's happening when you think nothing is happening?"  
"God's way doesn't make sense"
"It's always more than what you see in that moment, God is preparing you for what He wants to do through you"
Christine Caine:  Embrace your Place- You Tube 
He speaks Love.   How can I feel love for someone who who has causes so much hurt and damage over my life.  I question my own mind.  But, then I read His Word.  I compare with His ways and I know that He can do this in a person's life.  He can do things no one else can.  But, He wants this to be His way.  He wants me healthy.  He wants Jim Healthy.  And if we aren't.  Then He isn't going to let things progress.

God protects me.  He keeps me from myself.  My flesh, my compromises, my control.  He knows me.  He knows Jim.  He knows the things that have to be healed.

He says, "I am doing a new thing".  Isaiah 43:19

He says,  "speak life" John 6:63

He says, "I will make a way in the wilderness"  John 1:23

He says,  "believe me for the impossible"  Hebrews 11

He says, "trust Me"  Proverbs 3:5-6

He says, "You are not alone" Hebrews 13:5

He says, "I began this work, and I will be the One to complete it"  Philippians 1:6

He says, "Nothing is too hard for Me"  Jeremiah 32:17

He says, "He must increase, and I must decrease"  John 3:30


Here is what I want.  I want to be doing what God called me to do.  I want to be obedient.  I want peace that passes understanding.  I want love that is only available by being in my place with Him.  I want to have grace & mercy.  I want God's way.  

There is a battle in my flesh.  A battle for my mind.  A battle to keep going.  A battle to be released from this particular person.  Maybe God has something a little more socially acceptable for me to do for Him?  A battle for truth.  I'd really just like to be the contented, joyful person I was a few months ago before this all turned upside down.

God keep me in Your Place.

In His Grip,


Wednesday, September 23, 2015

Monday, September 21, 2015


Perhaps one of the most difficult things that God asks of us could be waiting.  Resting.  Being Quiet.  I find that this is what He is asking of me in this season.  Please don't confuse my silence with anything less.  Praying in this season to Trust Him More.

Life is full.

Working on my latest 1000 Gifts List.

Enjoying a really fun Adams Central Football Season.  Finding a lot of joy in the familiar of being on the sidelines with the team, taking photos & being in the moments.

Lucas is on the JV team & so we enjoy two evenings a week out on the field.

Lucas got a nice sack at his last game!

As a single A school in a large conference, we are used to hard games, and even seasons, I wonder when the last time our team began a season at 5-0.  Just having so much fun winning, and hoping these boys can keep their heads, keep humble and go far with this talent!

Jadon is really coming into his own in Middle school.  He is on the Cross Country team & has been improving more and more each race.

He Got his PB last Saturday running in the rain!

I think that Leah is doing okay.  It was good to have her home this weekend for awhile.

There is a challenge in having adult children.  

I haven't seen Zach in quite a long while.  He is working on getting a job.  

James just hit the one year mark with his job on the local police force.  Prayers of protection over him & his life.  This will be his first year to work the local street fair. 

Praying for our local law enforcement.

Praying for so much.

Redeem this time Lord Jesus.  Nothing is wasted.

"It is Well"  Bethel Music.  Continues to Minister.

In His Grip,


Wednesday, September 16, 2015


I drive 6 miles towards the east to take my kids to school in the morning.

This week the sun has been in just the "wrong" spot as we drive, and my windshield is not very clean & there are often Amish walking or riding on our road to school.  I have had to really focus as I drive & hold my head just so & watch so carefully.  Sometimes I can't see a thing, not a good feeling.

I have had a few days here that my thoughts are just not staying in the captive places I want them to stay.  I feel like I am losing way to many battles of the mind.


As I drove towards the sun this morning the Spirit spoke to me, "You must have that same kind of focus on the TRUE SON"

Thank You Jesus for teaching us every day to better follow You.

In His Grip,


Tuesday, September 15, 2015

Jason Gray - Glow In The Dark (Lyric Video)

Heard this one just now for the first time on my way home from town.  Could have written this.

In His Grip,


Wednesday, September 9, 2015

Moving Forward.

Thankful for God's continued Faithfulness.

His closeness.

His revelation of reasons why what is happening needed to happen.

His peace.

Still struggling with thoughts, with hurt, with wanting to make this about me, and my kids, and wanting to fix things.

A friend found this on the ground this weekend.

She thought of me.

I know that God's heart for us is so good.  And He doesn't allow us to be hurt in vain.  

I trusted Him with my heart and the hearts of my kids.  I don't believe that He let us down.  His protection over our hearts just hasn't looked like I thought that it would.

I don't believe that God wants us to settle for just a partial miracle.  

I believe He has more.

Still praying.  Still believing.  Still trusting.

Moving forward.  I know single life.  I'm even kind of good at it.

In His Grip,


Tuesday, September 8, 2015


God showed me this song last night,  I got so excited, because it was just so confirming and so good of Him to do for me...

"You are making all things new"  Seems to be a theme God is trying to get me to believe for.

In His Grip,


Sunday, September 6, 2015

Climb this Mountain

I have committed to a few things here on this blog.  One was that I was going to be more choice with my words & not say too much.  In keeping with that theme, I am going to say some things today that need to be said, but I am going to say them with as much grace & mercy as I can.

Right now I pray that all who will read this, and hear this testimony will see two things.

God is Sovereign.

God knows the end of our story, this is not the end of our story.

It's been less than two months since I started communicating with my ex-husband, after almost ten years of his running.

It has been a whirlwind two months, one that has brought great amounts of trust, peace, forgiveness, amazement, joy, happiness, faith.

It has also brought lots of emotions, love, partnership, my children's father back, repentance.

When I began this trust journey with God.  I said that I believed a few things.

1.  That God was the one doing this, not me.  So, I could trust God with my heart.  That HE would not let me be hurt.  I knew I could not trust Jim.

2.  God had a plan, all we had to do was walk in it.  If we veered off and tried to figure things out on our own, things would not go well.

3.  I had not searched this out, was not the one making this happen, was not the one in charge of the timeline or the results.

4.  That I would not have to compromise who I was with God in any way.

Towards the beginning of this past week, through a series of events completely out of my control, there was a change in Jim.  He expressed his fears, he was in an urgent mode,  there was no more peace, there was panic.  Words were twisted.

 Jim ran back out of our lives again.

My first reaction was not panic.  I feel like God was saying that this was not a permanent situation.  That I needed to lay this all on the altar (again).

Realization that this is NOT about me (again)  and that God needed to work more things out in Jim.

Since then, I have ran through the emotions one would, the questions, the disappointment, the unsureness, the anger.

Then there are my kids.  How they feel.  How will they process all this.  Especially, the three who aren't living here, and I haven't seen face to face this week.

Here is where I am today.

I still have hurt.  I still have questions.  I am battling doubts.  I am battling fears.

But, God has given me quite a few answers.  I believe that there were some issues that I was willing to compromise on with Jim, based on emotions, based on my growing desires to be married to him again.

There are still things that Jim needs to work out with God.

Jim is still married to someone else.

For the life of me I cannot understand why God allows what He does when He does, but I am supposed to trust.

This has driven me to levels of prayer & time with God that I have not experienced in many years.

I knew this was going to be a hard journey when I said "yes" to God.  I guess I didn't realize just how hard it would be.  I also was really enjoying the time with Jim, and this being hard was difficult to fathom.

Well, now it's hard.  Hard to see why.  Hard to see hope.  Hard to understand.

This is what I am going to ask.


God is still the One doing all of this.  He didn't allow this to happen so we could be tricked or hurt for nothing.  "We know that in all things God works for the good of those who Love him, who have been called according to his purpose."  (Romans 8:28)

Will you continue to believe with me that this is not a tragic end to a testimony that is lost?

Will you lift up my weary arms on the hard days, as you have for years?

Will you believe in the miracle of reconciliation?

Will you believe that God will bring the grace to continue to walk this path He has already laid out for us?

Will you analyze your own words, and not speak doubt over our lives or our situation?

I don't want your pity, I want your faith.

God is not mocked.  God is not shocked.  God is not out of control.
"I always pray with joy, because of your partnership in the gospel from the first day until now, being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus"  Phil 1:4-6
Speak Life and hope over Jim.  Do not speak death or despair.  Speak truth and scripture.

"Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus"  Romans 8:1

Music is such an encouragement to me always (and sure can draw me down when it's the wrong kind, like last night at wedding reception I was shooting, ouch, ouch, ouch)

Here are a a few links to what I have been worshipping to, and has been giving life to my soul:

WorshipMob: Climb this Mountain

Bethel Music: No Longer Slaves

WorshipMob: You make me Brave

May all of this continue to bring Glory to God.

In His Grip,


Wednesday, September 2, 2015


Desperately in need of prayers.

In His Grip.