Family

Family

Monday, August 31, 2015

Birthday & College Days begin...

We had a full weekend!  

Kiahna turned eleven on Saturday!  She looks so forward to her birthday all year, talking about what kind of cake she wants and what presents she wants!  Then when it comes she gets too overwhelmed if we make it too big of a deal.  So, I had a some cousins & neighbors over for a couple hours and we ate some cake & all was well with her little world.


As we prepared to take Leah to college this past weekend, she asked if we could go out to eat at Zestos for a treat, we did... Kiahna was already in bed, so I pulled her out of bed & she stayed in the van while we enjoyed a cool evening of ice-cream!  

Love our new family look.


My parents have been my rock through my whole life, but especially in the past ten years I have been a single parent.  They helped move both of my boys in to college when the time came.  This time, they stayed back & let Jim help & we visited them on our way to college.

Leah has adopted one of grandpa's old hats & wears it everywhere.   The bond we have with them because of the events that happened to us is so much stronger than it would have been without all the hard years.


Leah & Jim putting together some shelving for Leah's room.  It was so good to have him there with us.  So good to see the two of them working together.  They are so alike.  I love to be around them both.


And then we left her there.  It was strange.  I didn't cry.  It has been harder the past couple days with her not home at all.  She brings so much laughter to our house.


But, she is only an hour or less away, and we know we will see her often.  Happy that she is happy.

Everything with Jim & I is going well.  Just feeling like we are in limbo waiting for God's time-table to show us what to do next.  It's so exciting to watch God move & let Him be in control.  Exciting.  Hard & challenging.

Still needing much prayers as we walk this out according to God's plans.

In His Grip,

Pam



Tuesday, August 25, 2015

Step back

Good morning,

I am going to step back a bit and not say as much as I have been about my life.

Not because anything has changed, just because I feel some things are not easy to talk about in this forum, or my place to be sharing.  I have altered a few of my posts from earlier & I apologize and ask your forgiveness if I stepped over any boundaries and said things that weren't my place to say.  Or left you with questions because I didn't say enough.

I am fighting very hard to keep my eyes on Jesus and His plans for my life.  The distractions are great & the battle is intense.

We need your prayers to walk this out to the end doing nothing but bringing God honor and Glory.

Life is very fast paced, as it has been, it's only gotten more so now.

We need focus on God & how He has went before us and OFF of the questions we have about the circumstances.

I can do anything if I have the peace of knowing I am in God's will.

And I have that peace.  Just have to keep it.

Kiahna is struggling more than she has been.  It's wonderful to have Jim here to help with that.  The burden is definitely divided for me.

Getting Leah ready to move on Friday.  I haven't had much time to think about how much I am going to miss her.  I think we will see her often & she will be very happy in her new season.  I am praying that for her.

All of us need your prayers.

Thank you,

In HIS Grip.

Pam

Monday, August 17, 2015

Weekend

We enjoyed another really great weekend.

Had our older boys home for some port-a-pit chicken & they all ended up back on the basketball court.  (thanks to Jadon's consistent insistence)



These moments, they make my heart just overflow & feel like it could just explode.

This is redemption.

This is what things were always supposed to be like.

Now we are intentional.

Now we are so very very thankful.

Because we lost.  But now we found.

It's just beautiful.

Jim needs to find his knee brace though (and lose some pounds) to keep up with these young men (but he did beat them all in 21, just couldn't move very well later on!)

Conversations were continued from some of the counseling questions we began to talk about Friday morning.  Good, healing, redemptive words.

Every day that goes by, it grows better & every day it gets harder to wait on that crazy divorce from Jim's old life to happen.

There is another appointment with a lawyer tomorrow (Tuesday)

We are praying for God to intervene & for God's timeline & plans to be played out.  Even despite so many obstacles and enemy attacks.



My nephew Koty left for college (football team moves in early) at Anderson last weekend.  Leah moves in the 28th to Huntington.  Big changes ahead & both of them are ready!  Love them so much.

Trying to balance my work with my new life, it's not easy.  Working on what this is all supposed to look like.  I cut some jobs out that I would have done in the past & I am being more selective with the time I give away.  Gone are my evenings of sitting alone and working til bedtime, now I have company in the evenings and I would much rather talk to him than stare at a computer screen.  We will see what God is doing with my business.

Trusting Him.  Always.

In HIS Grip,

Pam


Friday, August 14, 2015

Appointments

Just a quick post as we head into the weekend.

We met with our pastor last evening, and I am so blessed again.  It was just an amazing time of sharing what God has done, listening to Jim talk & hearing how much God has done.  May I never get tired of that testimony.

It was good to talk about things & keep order.  I believe God likes order in our lives, in our churches & He likes communication & openness.  We have all that.  Its just so good.

We had our second counseling session today too.  It went great too, I love seeing the approval in our counselors eyes as we answer her questions.   It's so so good.

Please pray for God's favor & the enemy to be bound.

We will get Jackson back on Monday, and he should be here for a week.  (eek)

I ordered a book on blending families.

Please don't stop praying for us.

Football begins tonight.

Life is so crazy amazing.

Kiahna has had a hard week of adjusting at school... I can tell by the way she is pulling out her braids at school.  Please pray for her.

IN HIS GRIP,

Pam

Thursday, August 13, 2015

Living

I know a few of you are checking back here daily for some updates!

Here is the crazy thing, we are just living our new normal & waiting on God to direct our steps.

Life right now looks like this, he goes to work, I go to work, he has our kids, I have our kids, school starts, football starts, cross country starts, he drives carpool, I drive carpool.  We cook together, I cook, he cooks, he cleans, I clean.

We talk all the time, we laugh all the time.

Kid are bonding with him, I am bonding with him.

God is healing.

Jim sleeps over at my sister's house, but the rest of the day we are doing our lives together.

Tonight we are meeting with our pastor.

Tomorrow we are meeting with our counselor again.

A lot of living, a lot of waiting, a lot of really good times.

I have watched Leah open up to Jim more every day.  So thankful for the precious timing that this happened before she moved out to college.  One thing about Leah, if you know her, she is a fun girl.  Silly, laughing & loud.  Laughs at herself, if you are with her you are laughing.

One thing about this new man I have, he is so much like his daughter.  Wow, I never saw this side of Jim.  He says its because he is so happy.

They are both happy, Leah and her dad.  Two peas in a pod.  Not hard to see where her crazy humor comes from.  So incredible.

So incredible.

Yesterday, we shopped for Leah's college supplies.  Jim came with us for awhile during some down time at work.  We got a few things for Jim & a few things for Jackson.  Can I just say how incredible crazy this all feels.

I felt a redemption the first time I did a load of laundry and some of Jim's things were in it.  I remember very clearly the deep, searing pain I felt the last time I washed anything of his.  And the sweet redemption of getting the privilege of doing that again.

We feel so strongly the power of second chances.  The chance to do things again and get them right this time.  To honor God with all that we are doing and how we walk this out.

Thankful for His mercy, grace & protection over our relationship so far.  For all the prayers and all the tears & the excitement and chills that people get when I tell them our story.

Just a awesome, crazy, amazing God we serve.

So Blessed,

IN HIS GRIP,

Pam

Monday, August 10, 2015

Full weekend

It was such full weekend.

We had some rough patches, but lots of good also.

I feel like Jadon has some expectations that have not been met.  I feel that Jadon has some jealousy that Jim is obviously, and naturally, more bonded to Jaskson that to him.  Jadon said some nasty things this weekend, but, with some time and some coaching & lots of prayers, he did come to some peace about things.

Jim and I were able to sit down with Jadon & have a mature conversation & let him talk about his frustrations & then we all three prayed together.

Sunday went much better than Friday & Saturday did.  Jadon said that is because they were with us the whole time and not outside trying to play by themselves.  Maybe so, but it was sure nice to not have all the arguing.

Poor Jackson, how hard this all has been on him.  So many new things & so many new people.  So much that is foreign to him.  He went to church with us, and went to Sunday School.  He told us on the way home that he really like it.  That was just his second time in his life he was in a church.

Many times, both Jim and I were feeling at a loss for how to help the two boys get along.  Strange dynamics of the blending of two families, but then the added thing that Jim is already the dad of all the kids.  Makes the blending not fit in to the "regular" how to blend families box in some ways.  Not that I am a proficient family blender.  But, God is.

Anxious for the next counseling session for some guidance on that issue before Jackson returns in a week.

Outside of these issues, we had a really great weekend.

Friday evening we were able to sit down with my sisters & their husbands and my parents & have adult conversation & prayer time.  Jim was broken again over their support, love & forgiveness.  It was a sweet special evening that I will never forget.

We came to the conclusion that there were nine people in the room that all forgave Jim, the last one might be the hardest.  Forgiving himself.

But, hearing words spoken that God found Jim worthy enough to restore & forgive & bring back... How could Jim not find the worth in himself that God sees.  In time.

Thankful for the relationship that Jim and I are building.  For the openness we have now, the honesty that we share, feeling really blessed & overwhelmed by that blessing.

Such a gift I have been given.

Glory to God!

In His Grip

Pam


Friday, August 7, 2015

Sometimes I wonder...

God has perfect timing.

I believe that.

Only, we can mess up the timing by running ahead, or refusing to move forward.

I've questioned God's timing over the years.

Shocking understatement.

It was 9 years and 9 months after Jim walked out on our lives that I saw the first glimpse that he could possibly be walking back in.

Nothing about that was my time table.

I have listend to so many of Jim's stories, events that he had to walk through to bring him to the breaking point.  So much.

We have these crazy, should be awkward, but they aren't, we laugh. (we laugh, how is this real?)  conversations about the things that he did and how I dealt with him.

Unreal.  So much grace.

One detail of this whole picture that remains to be resolved.  One question I still have not understood.  God brought Jim back in to our lives before his divorce was final.

I know that He could have had all that resolved before, but He chose not to.

It isn't making much sense at the moment.

But, I am choosing to believe that God has in mind whatever He needs to do to bring about His plans.    He has told us over and over that He has went before us in this whole, amazing miracle.  All we need to do is walk in it.

I will confess I have battled some fear.  I don't want to endure a long messy court battle.

Mostly, I just don't like the long part.

Trusting God's time table is the best one for all of this.

Being able to walk through this with Jim and direct him to all the ways God helped me walk through it when him and I were divorcing.  Oh, the Irony.  Oh the peace.

Who ever would have thought.

Would take your prayers today.

Seems like we keep thinking we have a plan in place & God keeps changing what we thought would be best as we walk with Him.

Thankful for the continued growth I am seeing in Jim.  Thankful for his hunger to do things God's way & to do things right.

I am one blessed woman.

I think I'll keep him around.

In His Grip,

Pam

Thursday, August 6, 2015

Processing...

I think it may take the rest of my life to process the things that have happened in the past two months & are happening every day, as we walk this miracle out...

Because God is able to do exceedingly, abundantly, above all that we could ever ask or imagine... (Ephesians 3:20-21)  I would have to say that what I am experiencing, while it was something I was praying for, it is exceedingly, abundantly above what I would or could have imagined.

I guess in order to move forward and live in the place I have for the past 10 years, I couldn't let my mind to go what this could look like.  I have things written in my journals, things that tell me what I felt, in the first part of this journey, that God was saying.

August, 2006  (almost a year after he left us)  I have writings in my journal, I prayed and was still & asked God to give me His wisdom:

This is that I wrote "HOLD ON TO ME -  DONT GIVE IN TO THE WAVES OF DOUBTS AND FEARS AGAIN  -  TRUST MY WAYS  -  I AM AT WORK, I PROMISE -  JIM WILL RETURN  -  HE WILL SEE THE LIGHT OF THE GOSPEL  -  HE WILL BE MY SERVANT  - WHOLE BEFORE ME. BROKEN TO HIMSELF - ALL THAT SELFISHNESS, GONE - ALL THAT CARELESSNESS, GONE -  ALL THAT LUST, GONE  -  IN JESUS NAME AND UNDER HIS BLOOD  - OH PRAISE JESUS - GLORY"
This is only one example out of multiple journals, that I have found so far.

In Christ is where my confidence lies.  In the promises that He spoke & I wrote down.  In the peace that passes all understanding.

I have had a few questions from friends, one sticks out this morning:  "You aren't trying to 'fix' him are you?"

My answer is simply, no.  I have nothing to fix.  God has brought me exactly what He said He would.  A man who is God's servant, broken, repentant, free...

Not to say he doesn't have much growing to do, his walk with Jesus again is only just beginning, but he is hungry in a way he has never been.  And growth is very quickly in a heart that is turned completely towards Christ.

Jim reminds me of the woman in Luke 7, who was forgiven much & loved much.

Walking, living, testimony to God's incredible power, which I do not give nearly enough credit!

*********

Yesterday we had some interesting events and we have some very specific prayer needs.

Jim's mom, Diane, experienced some mini strokes yesterday, she ended up in the hospital, she seems to be stable and they are starting meds.  But, it brings up a good topic for prayers.  She needs Jesus so very badly.

We visited her Saturday, she asked me if I have bitterness towards Jim, and I told her that I don't.  She looked at me with doubt and said "I think I was born bitter".

Would you add Jim's family to your prayer list.  Hurtful things can be said when people really don't have a grid for all of this.

Zach hasn't been around much, he came over last night.  His walls are high, and his life is a mess.  But, Jim and I have a lot of peace, how could we not.  We know the amazing job God has done in Jim, we trust God is at work in Zach too.

Just hoping it's not a ten year journey.

*********

So, so, so thankful for all your prayers & support.

Much love to you all,

In His Grip,

Pam

Wednesday, August 5, 2015

Continued healing & amazement & peace

Each day that comes, I think it's the best, then I just gets better...

If my heart bursts...

Jim & I met with a counselor yesterday.  One thing I was looking for was someone who could see God in all this.  Human perspective wouldn't be able to see the same as someone who filters this through God's eyes & What God is saying & doing.

God provided that, It appears.  It was a lot of intake questions.  As we left, I thanked her for not saying we were completely nuts, she asked why she would think that?  And I told her that this probably isn't something many people are doing.  She said "I see a lot of potential".

I love that.

Lana brought the boys up to Ft Wayne and we did a little school shopping after that, and Jim went back to work.

Jim had a client (he's in sales) cancel on him & called to tell me he was going to my house earlier than he thought.  He asked  if I needed anything from the store & what I had in mind for supper.

Honestly, my heart.  Never expected this kind of caring.

We planned out what to have for supper, and then my daughter-in-law texted asking if we would be home, and I invited them to dinner.

Jim grilled chicken for all of us.  Leah cut up the watermelon, I made some rice, and I grilled some zucchini.

Kiahna told me, "I think you are more in to Dad than you are to me".  (insert mad face here)

She makes us laugh so much.

She is adjusting slowly, she hates the changes of life, and she is used to all my time and attention and NOT used to me having another adult in the house to talk to!  I hope she will adjust quickly.

The comfort level with Jim at our house with the kids around is growing each time we are together, after we ate, and Jim & Jadon cleaned up, the boys went out to play some basketball (James, Jim & Jadon)

Brookelyn and I talked inside for while, til they guys called us out to play a game of "PIG".

Can I tell you how I watched the walls in my oldest son come down towards his dad & how much amazing Joy it brings to me to see them duke it out on the basketball court & bond.

Oh, My, Heart.

Some friends came over later in the evening and Jim was able to share his testimony with them, & the Holy Spirit was so strong.  Its just mind blowing.  They prayed for us & we are blessed beyond measure.

Another day.  More healing.  More hope.  More of God redeeming & restoring & renewing.

It's more than I can take in.

Whatever comes our way today, I know God has went before us.

So, thankful.

In His AMAZING Grip,

Pam

Tuesday, August 4, 2015

New normal

I will do my best to keep updating...

Today Jim & I are going to our first counseling appointment.  Praying for clear direction on if this is a good fit for us.

He is dealing with quite a bit of things left over from his old life, he is learning & growing and praying & we wait to see what God is going to do with all these details.

There is an enemy who isn't happy about all this, and there are people that the enemy is using to try to  hurt.  Pray for this to be all in God's Hands & all His perfect timing & will.

Thankful to my sister Lana & Ben for letting Jim stay in their basement at this point in this journey.

Thankful for so much.

Prayers for protection, peace & God's timing in all things.

For All our kids.

For God's grace, mercy, peace, love & Spirit to be stronger each day.

This is so amazing.

It's becoming my new normal very quickly.

Scares me a bit.

In His Grip,

Pam

Monday, August 3, 2015

Amazed

I am totally in love with what God has done in this man's life.

I read the things I used to pray and the things I believed God was saying He wanted to do.

And then I see them all right there.


God is amazing.

What a weekend.

More converstaions with key people in our lives.

So much support.

He went back to our church.  Was received with so much love & so much support and promises of prayers.

Just amazed.

No surprise, we do have an enemy that hates all of this with a passion.  He is using the tools he has available to cause hurt & try to stop what is happening.  We could use some prayers for the situation that developed yesterday, even as we basked in how great it all was.

Jim has been living with his mom, but after going back there last night, things got really ugly and he ended up packing up his things and leaving.  Trying to sleep in his truck last night.  He can't go pick up his son today from his ex-wife, because he has no place to live at the moment.

We are praying.

God is not surprised, and the environment at Jim's moms wasn't positive & wasn't close to where we are anyway, just not sure what the next step is yet.

Waiting on God.

Walking this all out according to what we feel God is desiring of us and what His word says.  

Your prayers have been and continue to be key.

In His Grip,

Pam & Jim

I love putting our names together again.

...sigh...