Family

Family

Monday, April 27, 2015

Beautiful, busy week ahead...

I guess I was in need of a real rest.

Ended up feeling sick all weekend & spending a lot of time asleep.

I feel fine this morning.

Crazy thing.

HUGE week again (maybe that's why I needed the rest)

PROM is Saturday, Two home track meets, my niece's grad party, and gorgeous weather are on the horizon!

So many fun things, so many "last" things for my senior girl.

Sob.

I am hoping we hear from the wrap around services for Kiahna this week.  The state was supposed to have their decision in 10 days, it's been 3 weeks tomorrow.  Sigh.

Waiting on the insurance update.

Waiting on the social security approval/disapproval.

Praying for Zach.

Thankful for so many things.

In His Grip,

Pam

Tuesday, April 21, 2015

Some happy things!

Good Morning!

I missed my usual Monday writing time, so I'll take a few moments today!

I have a few updates from last week!

Z has a job!  It's factory, third shift, and horrid environment.  But, he motivated himself, and did what he wanted to do & I have every confidence that God is working all things together for good.

Thankful for peace in this situation and the miraculous ability to hold my tongue & love him when I'd like to knock him over the head.

So many really questionable decisions going on with this one right now.  Prayers are always needed.  He will figure it all out... someday.

*******

I am blown away by what I am seeing in some amazing teens.

One of my daughter Leah's best friends wrote this poem & created this video.


When I think for one minute about how I was at the end of my senior year.  And how un-recieved a message like this would have been among my peers.  This girl is spreading an amazing message.  I am seeing it in many teens, God is doing something really incredible.  

Sarah is one of Leah's best friends and they will be attending the same college in the fall.  They decided it would be better for their friendship if they weren't roommates.  I am so blessed.

********

On a lighter (sorta) note, a sad day for all of us Anne of Green Gables fans.

Gilbert Blythe has passed away.

I cried through the tribute video on this blog post.

You will join me in the depths of despair.

*********

I got a chance to chaperone Lucas's sophomore class last Friday.  We went to Huntington University (yes where Leah is going and Z went for awhile) to see their version of Romeo & Juliet (it was interesting, that's all I'll say).  We also toured the campus & ate lunch on a gorgeous spring day.  I love that place.  If I could live my life over... sigh...


*********

Today is day 10 of the 10 days it is supposed to take the state to decide if K is approved for wrap around services.  This is the second time we have applied, after begin denied the first time.

I admit I am nervous.  I really don't know what it will even be like if it is approved.

After three really good weeks, I am seeing an increase of K's negative attitude.  I called the doctor yesterday & asked if there is any more room for increase in her meds.  It's not awful, by any means, but not as good as it was for three weeks.

Three weeks.

How quickly, good days can become expectation and how frustrating that it is declining again.

Please keep praying.

We have no new doctor because we still don't have our insurance change approved.

I have to say this, I am working with 5 different legs of the government with her services right now.  And if you really want to know how bad this all is... you don't want to know.  Slow, unorganized, I am getting letters that make no sense asking for things that I have already done.  I have never seen anything like it.  If any of us were running a company and it was being done in this fashion, we would be out of business.  OUT OF BUSINESS.

Let's hope for some good news soon.

**********

Planning continues for graduation.  

Not only my own daughter's party, but also helping many others, who I did senior photos for get things around.  Creating announcement cards, photo books & filling print orders.

I have a full calendar of weddings already for 2015.  I am super blessed by this.  

It feels like my business is taking somewhat of a turn with the weddings & I am hoping that this will mean good things for the future.

I feel like I need an infusion of energy to pour into it though.  All the stress of Kiahna's winter months has not left me feeling like I have much to pour out.  Again, not sure what her care looks like during my work days is concerning also.

*********

I'll leave you with this video I took Sunday evening.  All of my kids have been involved in the AC Choir and it is a blessing to hear them perform.  They have 3 concerts left this year, Pleasant Dale this  Sunday, Decatur Church of God the next, and First Missionary in Berne the Sunday after Mother's Day.




In His Grip,

Pam


Monday, April 13, 2015

Thankful April

I am very thankful to report that Kiahna has been stable on this current med & dosage for two weeks!

I have no idea how long the current med will work.

I have no idea what happens next.

I just know that I am enjoying the peace of today.

Stable to Kiahna is no to say we have reached a state of typical ten year old behavior.  That isn't what I am seeing.  I am seeing a girl who is capable of doing more things.  Capable of being told "no that isn't going to happen right now" without going in to a rage.  Basically, not seeing the rage.

It was really apparent last night when I considered that the last choir concert we went to for my 2 older kids was about five weeks ago?  She sat there with a horrible scowl on her face the entire time we were there.  Last night, she sat beside me and sang along the entire time we were there!

She accepted that I was not taking her to a restaurant, but back home to get something to eat after the concert ended.  She recognized that she didn't get angry over that, and celebrated her success.

She has done really well in church the past two Sunday's.  Less of the "I am overwhelmed with this crowd & angry at everyone I see" face.  She attended Sunday school again for the first time since early winter.

Puberty is a very definite factor in what we are seeing go on in her.  Many changes to her body are in play.  I just don't understand why that seems to be the ONLY part of her that is not delayed.  The physical part.

We are still waiting to hear back from Crossroads about wrap around services.  The application has been re-submitted & the next 10 day waiting period for a decision from the state is began.

We are still waiting to see if all the other things that I applied for will be approved.  Social Security Disability, Medicaid Disability, & Children's Special Services.

We still have not found a new doctor.  I had an appointment with a doctor that I thought may be the answer, but found out that the insurance that she has currently, they no longer take.  So we need the insurance change to go to that doctor.

I have an appointment with a doctor in the Indy area.  Had a long conversation with their office this week, because "they hate to see me have to drive that far for a doctor".  Well... I hate to see me do that too, but you aren't having a clear picture of our situation here.

So, at this point I guess I am just going to wait for the Fort Wayne Doctor I want to see to be an option with insurance.  And pray that we don't get into crisis mode again before that happens.

This is by far a finished issue.  This will not be something that will be cured.  We will live with this with her for her entire life.  We will help her manage her symptoms the best we can, we will control her environment and do all that we can to keep her from overwhelming circumstances.  We will look for open doors for care & support as she grows older & the symptoms become hard to manage again.

I am thankful for the good days.  Thankful for the support we have had.  Thankful for all the prayers that have gotten us through a hard season.

Thankful it's spring and it's warm.  Thankful for the color green.

Burning away the old winter days & embracing the new life of spring time.  Literally & figuratively.

**********

Graduation planning is in full force.  Invitations have been ordered.  Food list has been established.  Guest list has been set.  Photos have been scanned.  Supplies are starting to be purchased.

Such an exciting time.  One that I both love & dread.

Leah is having her open house with her cousin Koty.  So my sister and are planning together.  It's fun, but makes the guest list and food amounts pretty much double, so that's a little bit scary!

Z is still unemployed.  Still fighting the Lord.  Still struggling along the hard road.

Still praying for that one & thankful for peace.

Much love to you all, thanks for reading along, praying and loving us through all this!

In His Grip,

Pam

Monday, April 6, 2015

Something Inspiring for Monday.

I want to write something today.  Something inspiring.  Something new.  Something non-depressing.

But, I am weary of the journey.

I love, love, love Ann Voskamp.  She inspires me to press forward daily.  I follow her on Facebook.  Here is today's post.


"Hey Soul? so the thing is, Monday's not your huge mountain to scale -- 
your huge *God* is the mountain Who scales everything, so you see your *problems* as so *small*. 
He'll give you exactly what you need, He'll make you strong for exactly what you have to do, and He'll make you brave for exactly whatever you have to climb this week.
"You can be *SURE* that God will take care of everything you need" Phil4:19
Thank God we are kept from what we wanted ---
like escape, like an easier road, like an easier time of it...
and that He keeps giving us what we didn't know we *needed* --
like more courage, like more joy, like more grace, like more of Himself.
Thank God we are kept from what we wanted ---
and He keeps giving us what we didn't know we *needed.*
Because God will give you everything you need ---- all you need is to keep everything to Him!"

#GodsGotThisWeek#FORWARD#PreachingGospeltoMyself
--Ann Voskamp 
The very real struggle to constantly be looking for an easier life.  A reality of the first world we live in.  We look around and compare up so easily and want what the other person has.  We wish we had their problems rather than our own.  We want their homes, their cars, their marriage, their children, their parents, their state, their face, their body.

We wonder if God really does have our lives under His control?  Or maybe we aren't letting Him have our lives under His control.  Maybe in our yearnings for something easy we have lost His vision for our lives.  Maybe easy isn't His plan at all.  Maybe easy is just a big fat lie of the enemy to keep us from doing God's work.

Woah.

Oh Dear God, I repent of my desire to want easy.  I repent of my envy of looking at others who's lives appear "easier" and wishing I was them.  I rejoice in You even when I don't feel it.  I press in and I know that You have a way where I see no way.  You long to show me You.  You promise to be the Father to the fatherless.  You promise not to give me more than I can handle, may my heart and Yours be in unison.  My will be Yours.  My life be a sacrifice of Praise.

Thankful for a good week last week with Kiahna.  Super blessed that she handled Sunday, and church & family with ease this week.  I have no memory of the last time Sunday was that good for her.

Thankful that I don't have to be the fixer of my adult children's lives.  Thankful for amazing grace & peace & patience to wait on You to do your FATHER work in his life.

Thankful for strength & peace & provision.  For love & support & friends & family.  For sleep & open doors.

Praying this week we get good news about K's wrap around services.

Praying for insurance updates to be complete & new doctors to be able to be seen.

Praying for a job for Z.

Praying for strength to begin working again.  For creativity to flow from GOD above.  For HIM to fill my empty cup, as usual.

Thankful for the greening grass, the warming thermometer, the running water, the warm house, the clean clothes, the food in the fridge.  The amazing amounts of things I have to be thankful for far outweigh the short list of complaints.

May I have clear vision and perspective to keep going forward.




A life with clouds can be just as beautiful as a life with no clouds.  They just look different.

I love sunsets.

In His Grip,

Pam