This is my 2013 family photograph.
Just took a deep breath looking at it.
I love these people so very much.
Our families. Our greatest joy. Our greatest pain.
God has been so good to us. Our lives have been so hard, but He has been so great. I can't say one without saying the other.
I admit when I think about 2014… part of me wants to crawl in a hole. I feel like every year I have a fresh start on life, and then after awhile it just gets all muddled up again. Yes, God is so good and He has carried us through each rough day. But, I am tired of rough days. There I said it. I am tired. So, so tired.
Honestly, in the past month with the photography season slowing to a crawl, I have been just exhausted, physically. Then with Z's drama heating up and coming to a head. Mentally shot me. Kiahna's daily needs don't take a day off. Add Christmas to the mix. I just want to sit, light candles and stare into them. Which I have in fact done most evenings this past month.
I had two weddings booked for 2014, both of them have decided to post pone them to unset dates in the future. Another photographer continues to show up at the school sporting events seemingly taking over my position I have enjoyed there. I wonder if my season for photography is ending? I wonder what would happen if God closed that door?
I am a horrible blogger for my business, and one of my goals is to catch up and blog all of 2013 before spring break. I blogged a wedding last night, and my heart was just so happy seeing those photos again. It gave me some hope that I might not be losing my love for photography after all.
Here is a link if you wanted to take a look: Moments… by Pam Photography blog
I look forward to many things in 2014… I am glad to brush the dust of 2013 off my feet… although much of the dust seems it will carry into 2014…
2014… my oldest will get married. Graduate from college. Get a job Begin a home of his own with the love of his life. I'll become a mother-in-law. I'll have my 3rd senior in high school. I'll help my sister with her first child's high school graduation. I'll redirect my daughter 100's of times each day. I'll take her to her weekly appointments. Try to make the best choices that I can for her future. I'll try to figure out how to help without enabling Z in his choices.
No great, amazing news on Z. His consequences have stopped his actions. He says he is trying to change. My standards are pretty high. Trying to be encouraged and not frustrated. Trying to keep my focus on God and not on the kid & all I hope for him.
I need a fresh dose of hope for 2014.
I need the prayers of those that love us.
In His Grip,